


Purpose to the Player

by energyeye



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Coomer's Perspective, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/energyeye/pseuds/energyeye
Summary: Reality is a video game. Coomer knows this. He always has had an assumption of it but that time in Black Mesa solidifies it. They're not in Black Mesa anymore, but they're still in the game. Somehow, everyone else seems fine. The world goes on as normal. It's the same morning of the disaster. The resonance cascade hasn't even happened yet. The game reset the environment once they completed the game.
Relationships: Dr. Coomer/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Truth

Reality is a video game. Coomer knows this. He always has had an assumption of it but that time in Black Mesa solidifies it. They're not in Black Mesa anymore, but they're still in the game. Somehow, everyone else seems fine. The world goes on as normal. It's the same morning of the disaster. The resonance cascade hasn't even happened yet. The game reset the environment once they completed the game. The events that lead to the resonance cascade happen only when a new player spawns in. 

Gordon takes the science team to his shitty apartment. There's nowhere else to go in the state they're in. Coomer doesn't even know what to do. He should though. He knows everything in the now-defunct wikipedia. The team sits on Gordon's couch. They're all tired to the bones. Gordon tries to process the events that unfolded. Tommy mourns the loss of his friend. Bubby panics since he's not in the facility. There's no one left to lead. Coomer can't lead. It's in his programming to follow. 

Bubby eventually steps up to the plate. He opens the fridge and closes it. It's no longer a fridge. It's a science experiment. Bubby turns to the cabinet and throws stuff out. Gordon doesn't stop him. The apartment was already a mess. He then pulls out and opens a can of chicken noodle soup. He puts it in the microwave and presses run. "Did you know that microwaving metal-" Coomer starts. He doesn't need to finish. The microwave starts to spark and Bubby stops it. Bubby lets out a frustrated growl. He doesn't know how to cook. He's only ever eaten at the cafeteria. 

This prompts Tommy to take lead. He stands up shaky. Tommy grabs a jar of peanut butter. He looks for the bread and finds none. He sighs and grabs a spoon. The science team eats together. It's way better than that pizza they had at Chuck E. Cheese. Coomer gets the jar to bite on. Tommy pauses for a bit. He goes through a mental checklist in his head. "Mr. Freeman bathroom- where's the bathroom?" Tommy asks. Gordon nods his head in a direction. Tommy hooks Gordon's arm over his shoulder and moves towards the bathroom. Coomer follows as usual. Bubby follows the group. None of them want to be alone. It meant death to be alone in the place they were in. 

Tommy takes Gordon inside and closes the door behind him. Coomer and Bubby are left in the hallway. Bubby huddles against the doorknob. Coomer looks at the door. "A door is a hinged or otherwise movable barrier that allows ingress into and egress from an enclosure. The created opening in the wall is a doorway or portal," Coomer states. This means he could open it. He could open it and enter the room Gordon is in. "A door's essential and primary purpose is to provide security by controlling access to the doorway (portal)." He can't go in though. Gordon needs his privacy. The door provides this security. It's the door's essential purpose. Gordon wouldn't want Coomer inside anyways. 

The lights around Coomer went off. It was pitch dark around him. Coomer couldn't feel Bubby's hand on the doorknob anymore. Coomer was more focused on the door though. He wants to go inside. The light shines on his face from the crack. It's the only light. 

The lights come back on. Bubby is back. Tommy opens the door and the hot air escapes the bathroom. Coomer catches a glance at Gordon. He's in a towel and clean. He looks tired but happy. "Come on, next- y-you're next," Tommy says. He pulls Bubby into the bathroom. "I don't wanna take a bath," Bubby complains. "N-not like ones- the ones from before." "Blugh. Fine."

Gordon and Bubby switch places. Gordon is in the hallway with Coomer. He's half-dry. There's a towel around him. This makes sense to Coomer. A towel is a piece of absorbent fabric or paper used for drying or wiping a body or a surface. It draws moisture through direct contact. The towel has done its job well. 

Coomer knows there's something that comes next. Gordon needs clothes. Clothing (also known as clothes, apparel and attire) are items worn on the body. A towel is not clothing. Coomer knows what will happen next. Gordon will get clothes. "Hello Gordon!" Coomer chirps. He's happy to know what Gordon will do next. He waits for Gordon to move. Nothing happens. "Hello Gordon!" Coomer tries to remind him. Gordon looks to the door. He doesn't want to leave the others. Coomer doesn't understand. They're not in the facility. They don't need to stick together. They are in a towel. They need to get clothes. Coomer feels discomfort. Gordon doesn't follow the logic. 

The shower water sounds stop. Tommy opens the door again. Coomer's next for a bath. "Bathing is the washing of the body with a liquid, usually water or an aqueous solution, or the immersion of the body in water. It may be practiced for personal hygiene, religious ritual or therapeutic purposes," Coomer states. Tommy nods. "You're smart- very smart, Dr. Coomer!" Tommy congratulates. Bathing can take place in any situation where there is water, ranging from warm to cold. It can take place in a bathtub or shower, or it can be in a river, lake, water hole, pool, or the sea, or any other water receptacle. Coomer took a lot of baths back at the facility. He remembers there was a shark in one. "I take a bath every day, Tommy," Coomer informs. "You do- Do you not n-need help?" "I take a bath every day!" "O-okay." Tommy exits the bathroom and Coomer enters. 

He's alone. The small bathroom feels large. There's no one else around. He sees a clone on the wall. Coomer's about to fight it. He then remembers that a mirror is an object that reflects an image. Light that bounces off a mirror will show an image of whatever is in front of it, when focused through the lens of the eye or a camera. He's in Gordon's bathroom. There are no clones here. "Hello Dr. Coomer!" Coomer says. There are no clones left. 

One purpose of bathing is for personal hygiene. It is a means of achieving cleanliness by washing away dead skin cells, dirt, and soil and as a preventative measure to reduce the incidence and spread of disease. Coomer knows what to do. He needs to remove his clothes. He needs to wash away his dead skin cells, dirt, and soil. When bathing for cleanliness, normally, people bathe completely naked, so as to make cleaning every part of their body possible. Coomer removes his lab coat. This is right. He peaks under his shirt. Coomer sees nothing. There's nothing under his shirt. This is wrong. He's supposed to have a body under his shirt. Clothing is worn on top of bodies. 

When bathing for cleanliness, normally, people bathe completely naked. Coomer removes his clothes. His body is not there. Only his limbs were there. It was what everyone else could see. Coomer bathes as fast as he can. He grabs the rest of the towels and piles them over himself. He exits the room. Coomer follows Gordon and the group. 

Gordon hands Coomer some old clothes. Coomer looks down. His body has loaded in. Coomer looks at Gordon. He doesn't want to put the clothes on. What the player doesn't see doesn't exist. He only exists when he's seen. His body doesn't exist when his clothes are on. Clothes need to be put on. Coomer opens his mouth and chews the fabric. It's no longer clothes. It's food. Eating solves everything. 

"Gordon, I'm full," Coomer informs. Gordon turns back to see Coomer still naked. "Dr. Coomer did- did you just eat the clothes?" "Gordon, I'm full." "Buddy, you gotta put on the clothes," Gordon said. Gordon grabs another shirt from the drawer. He pulls it over Coomer's head. Coomer complies. He has to make Gordon happy. Gordon will leave otherwise. When Gordon leaves Coomer doesn't exist. Out of sight, out of mind. Coomer is never out of Gordon's mind. He is determined not to be.


	2. Adjustments

It's been six months. The apartment is clean for the first time. Everyone is on track to heal. They're here to support each other. Gordon is in his room. He sits at his desk and sorts through his papers. Coomer stares at Gordon from the bed. The books on Gordon's shelf lose their print. They're a flat image now. Gordon is too focused on his work. Gordon will forget. Coomer lifts up the bed stand lamp. "Look what I found, Gordon!" Coomer says. Gordon turns around. The books turn back to 3D. "Yeah?" Gordon asks. Coomer pauses. He has to keep Gordon's attention somehow. "Lamp!" Coomer states. Gordon chuckles. "Yeah! Very good, Dr. Coomer," Gordon says. He turns back to his work. 

"Hello Gordon!" Coomer calls. "Keep it down, Dr. Coomer." Coomer follows Gordon's instructions. Gordon focuses on his work. The world around Coomer starts to fade away. He has to sit and stare. If he didn't, Gordon would kick him out of the room. The Coomer would be really forgotten. Coomer wishes that Gordon would look back. He wishes that Gordon would praise him for his good behavior. He hasn't purposefully destroyed anything out of a maladaptive destructive urge recently. All the things he's done have a reason. Sometimes Gordon doesn't understand. Gordon stands up and cracks his back. He moves to get more papers from the drawer. 

Coomer looks at the empty desk. This is his chance. Gordon comes back to see Coomer on his desk. Gordon sighs. Coomer beams. Now Gordon can do his work and not forget Coomer. "I guess it's time for a break. It's late," Gordon says. 

Gordon grabs a towel. He heads for the bathroom for a shower. Coomer follows. Gordon tries to shut the door. Coomer grabs the towel and wedges a part of it between the door. "You can't come in here, bud," Gordon says. Coomer doesn't release the towel from his grip. "Hello, Gordon!" He can't let Gordon go. "Are you going to hold it for me? Don't go anywhere," Gordon says. "I'll never leave you, Gordon," Coomer replies. Gordon lets out an awkward laugh and shuts the door. Coomer stares at the door. Gordon will be back. Gordon promised it. Ten seconds pass. It starts to feel cold. Coomer drapes the towel over himself. He stares at the door. It's cold. The darkness around him grows. Coomer doesn't dare look away from the door. He's seen the void before. It's cold and empty and large and dark. The blanket is gone.

Coomer is left alone in front of a door. Panic grips Coomer. Has Gordon forgotten already? Will Gordon ever remember him? He has to take action. Coomer punches the door. The wood cracks. The lights come back. The towel is back. Gordon remembers. Coomer crawls through the broken door. He's in the bathroom. "Dr. Coomer?!" Gordon yells. That is Coomer's name. Gordon remembers him. Coomer opens the shower curtains. "Hello, Gordon!" "Dude, I'm showering!" Coomer steps into the tub and sits down. The warm water flows over him. It's better than the cold void. "Hello, Gordon!" Coomer speaks. "You can't- you can't be in here. I have to shower," Gordon explains. "We can shower together!" "No. Dr. Coomer, go back outside, please," Gordon sighs. Coomer stares at him. Gordon facepalms. "Fine. You can sit in the room with me. Not in the tub." 

Coomer sits in the bathroom. It's warm for now. Soon it succumbs to the void. Coomer looks at the broken door. The hallway is no longer there. There's a still image in place of it. "Hello, Gordon," Coomer wavers. He is afraid. Gordon might not be there. It takes longer for Gordon to reply. "Hello, Dr. Coomer," Gordon grunts. Gordon is still there. Gordon steps out of the shower. Coomer is there to hand him his towel. This is helpful. Coomer does his job well.

"I must say, Gordon, that was far more fun than staying outside and being consumed by the dark nothing of the void!" Coomer exclaims. "Right...well you need to dry off." "I am an expert at being dry," Coomer claims. Coomer shakes himself like a dog. Water is flung everywhere. This is helpful. Coomer is being helpful. Gordon wheezes. "Let's get a towel for you," Gordon says. 

Gordon returns to his room. Coomer follows. Gordon gets dressed. He looks at Coomer. "Are you going to your room tonight?" This conversation happens nightly. Coomer knows the answer. "This is my room, Gordon." Gordon looks at him wearily and forces a chuckle. "Maybe next time," Gordon says. Everyone used to sleep in the same room. One by one they left. Sometimes they'd come back during a nightmare. Coomer never left thought. Coomer curls at the foot of Gordon's bed. He stares at the motion sensing night light. He never liked the darkness. It reminds him too much of the void. Gordon doesn't like the dark either. His hand was taken when it was dark. The nightlight turns off. Coomer waves his hand. The nightlight is back on. 

The light shuts off again. Coomer waves his hand. The light doesn't turn on. He tries again. Nothing happens. Coomer shakes Gordon. "Hello, Gordon," Coomer strains. "Hm?" Gordon says. This happens often. Gordon knows something causes it but he can't do anything about it. The nightlight is back on. "Dr. Coomer, I need to sleep," Gordon mumbles. Coomer looks at Gordon. He knows humans need sleep. They always have to go. Gordon is asleep two hours later. The program starts to shut down. Coomer doesn't exist. It's excruciating. He wonders if the others feel like this when Gordon doesn't think of them. He is pulled apart atom by atom.


	3. Purpose

"I think you separate have- have separation a-anxiety," Tommy says. It has almost been a year since the resonance cascade. Coomer is still stuck in the same process. There's a reason for that. He can't learn. He can't change. He wasn't programmed with that feature. Coomer sits across from Tommy. They're in Gordon's room. Gordon stands near the doorway. His hair is still wet from his shower. He watches Tommy and Coomer. Tommy found Coomer scratching at the bathroom door again. All the doors have large scratches. Coomer wanted to be let in. Coomer cries sometimes when he can't see Gordon through the bathroom curtains. Nothing is changing. There's nothing wrong with that. Coomer would rather live in the moment forever than move on.

"Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home and/or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (e.g., a parent, caregiver, significant other, or siblings)," Coomer recites. Tommy nods. "It is most common in infants and small children, typically between the ages of six to seven months to three years, although it may pathologically manifest itself in older children, adolescents and adults," Coomer continues. Tommy nods again. He looks distracted. Coomer blinks. The room starts to fade. Gordon has left. 

Tommy senses his panic. "Stay- stay with me, Dr. Coomer," Tommy says. Coomer shakes his head. The room grows less detailed. Tommy grips Coomer's arm. "This is a game, Tommy!" Coomer says. Tommy flinches slightly. The world being a game is a touchy subject. "I- I know. That's a- that's not a bad thing," Tommy says. "Not existing is a bad thing." "W-what are talking- you talking about?" "Without Gordon, we don't exist!" 

Coomer hears a pan clatter to the floor. The world blinks out. There is nothing. Gordon is preoccupied. He forgot about them. Coomer is still aware. It's because he's a tutorial AI. He is always available for the player. He needs to know what the player does to assist them. Coomer looks towards the kitchen. He sees Gordon and the world around him. The cookies in the cabinets are gone. The game generates only what Gordon sees. It's a kitchen in the center of a void.

The void disappears. Tommy is back. Some of the finer details of the room haven't returned. Coomer falls limp. He stops struggling to get free. Tommy continues the conversation without missing a beat. "What d-do mean- you mean, Dr. Coomer?" Tommy's ignorance is not a fault of his own. He doesn't know what Coomer goes through. He doesn't know what happens. Gordon enters the room. Tommy says something about medication to help. Coomer nods to agree with Gordon. It wouldn't work. It's in his code to never work. "I'll s-set appointments- an appointment up, Mr. Freeman," Tommy says. Gordon nods and Tommy leaves the room. Gordon starts to leave the room. 

Coomer sits on Gordon's bed. He feels cold. He can't follow Gordon forever. He wraps Gordon's blankets around him. Somehow, Gordon's blankets retain his warmth far after he leaves. Coomer waits for the room to fade away. It doesn't. Gordon knocks and reenters the room. He looks at Coomer and sits on the bed next to him. "Hello, Gordon," Coomer croaks out. "Hello, Dr. Coomer," Gordon hesitates. 

The two sit for a moment. Coomer feels frustrated. He can't move on. He can't even learn from his mistakes. Sometimes Coomer ends up bumping into the same wall over and over again. He tries to find Gordon but he can't get out. He has no ability to learn from his mistakes. He has to call Gordon for help. He can't learn. He's a tutorial NPC. He's already supposed to know everything. 

All the other AIs were made for a different purpose. Coomer's purpose is for the player. He taught Gordon about ropes. He informed him about chairs. There's nothing else to give. What do you do if the player doesn't need you anymore? He was made for the player. The player doesn't need him anymore. No one else depends on Gordon. Everyone else can move on except Coomer. It's a fate worse than death. He's stuck in constant stagnation. He can never change like the others. 

Gordon wants to move on. Gordon wants to put Black Mesa behind him. Coomer is a reminder of Black Mesa. Coomer knows this. Coomer can't live without Gordon though. Time away from him is more time in the void. Gordon wants to spend time with other people. This will make him happy. Coomer's purpose is to make the player happy even at the cost of his feelings. Coomer doesn't want to do that. He wants to exist.

"Gordon, why do you need other people? I am always here for you," Coomer asks. "Other people are different from you. I need different relationships with different people, Dr. Coomer," Gordon replies. Coomer tries to think of a loophole. He can fill all the roles for Gordon. He can be all of the relationships Gordon doesn't have. Coomer could be Gordon's mentor, friend, lover, enemy, parent, child, acquaintance and fan. He'll do it. He'd love to do it. Gordon is the only real person. He'll kill anyone who makes Gordon unhappy. They aren't real. Gordon is. Gordon's happiness comes first. Gordon will be happy. "My purpose is to assist the player, Gordon! I can be anything you want. I am everything you want. I am the only thing you need, Gordon," Coomer states. "It doesn't work like that," Gordon mumbles. 

Coomer doesn't want to be in the game anymore. He doesn't want to be forgotten like any other NPC. Coomer doesn't want to be treated like a computer file. He doesn't want to be discarded. He's so desperate to be real. He wants to grow and learn. He can't do that. Gordon can. If he makes Gordon love him, Coomer doesn't have to worry about being forgotten. Coomer could try to restrain and force Gordon to pay attention to him. That wouldn't make Gordon happy though. Gordon is Coomer's world. Coomer would never be Gordon's world. Coomer just has to accept that. "Gordon," Coomer starts. "Yeah?" "For zero playcoins, you can hug me."


End file.
